I pretended to like oysters for an entire relationship.

The truth came out at a family dinner when I swallowed one whole like medicine.

I keep a blank spreadsheet open for emergencies.

Whenever someone walks past my desk, I click it and look deeply concerned about the numbers.

Someone on my street puts tiny hats on a garden statue.

The hat changes with the weather and I now check it before checking the forecast.

I know which downtown bench gets sun the longest in winter.

This information has more practical value than most things I learned in school.

I survived a presentation because the fire alarm went off.

I still do not know whether I was relieved or disappointed after preparing for a week.

My sister and I have been exchanging the same birthday card for nine years.

We cross out the old name, write the new one and add increasingly dramatic messages.

I judge restaurants by their water glasses.

I cannot explain the system, but I have strong opinions and they are rarely wrong.

Please stop treating bike lanes like temporary loading zones.

Turning on four-way flashers does not create a new municipal parking category.

A seagull stole my lunch and then dropped it on someone else.

For one terrible second, both of us thought I had thrown it.

To the person singing quietly at the bus stop in Sidney.

You stopped when the bus arrived, but the song was stuck in my head all day in the best way.